how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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