69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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