1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
