Whod you bang
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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