one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
