why didn't you poke me back
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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