I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
