Kiss
Puke
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this boner is exhausting
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
