we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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