Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
