They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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