i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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