maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
