I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
