From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He has the fingertips of a God
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