his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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