Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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