Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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