just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
