you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
