You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
