At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
