dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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