I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
