If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
