Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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