Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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