I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
