This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
