Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
