Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
