i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
