god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
