we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
