whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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