i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
