I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
