The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
