so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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