I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my being single is dangerous.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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