Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
