i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
