last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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