do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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