I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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