We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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