Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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