we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
