Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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