Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
