He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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