i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
