sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
