Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let's get the cat blown out
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize