you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
