Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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