I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
