Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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