going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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