Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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