We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
