guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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