I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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