so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
